Mental Load Checklist: How to Reduce Hidden Cognitive Work

What is mental load?

Mental load refers to the mental and emotional effort of tracking and managing tasks, as distinct from – though often carried in addition to – actually doing the tasks.

It’s frequently discussed specifically in regards to the effort of keeping on top of household and childcare tasks. As such, it primarily falls to women in many households. It has been described as “invisible work” because, while the results of doing a task are visible, the toll of staying on top of them is not.

There are a number of reasons (and ways) that mental load takes its toll.

Keeping things in working memory is inherently effortful. Our minds try to block out other information that could cause us to forget what we’re trying to remember. This results in divided attention and stress.

Our brains also have a tendency to focus on uncompleted tasks. While this can be helpful in situations where the information is timely – “Oh, I need to turn off the oven after I set down the pan” – sometimes they come when we can’t act on them. Remembering you need to start a load of laundry while you’re driving to work is not only unhelpful, but also stress-inducing.

It’s possible to find yourself in a place where you constantly feel like you’re forgetting something important. Maybe you’re scanning every room  you enter for things that need to be done, or maybe you’re obsessively checking your calendar. You might feel like you’re doing a bad job of adulting or like you're barely holding it together.

Another aspect, decision fatigue, is a bit controversial. While some studies have shown an ego-depletion effect from repeated decision-making, others have suggested this effect (and in fact ego depletion itself) only occurs when one expects it. This implies that believing you’re running out of willpower or self-control, or that doing a tedious task will deplete your willpower, is effectively a self-fulfilling prophecy.

In any case, we seem to be wired to avoid tasks that require cognitive effort, even when they don’t (on their own) do us any harm.

Regardless of whether cognitive effort actually hurts us or wears us out directly, we perceive it as extremely unpleasant. This can lead to stress. Chronic stress can and does do harm over time, and even temporary stress can take its toll on our relationships and our mental health. If we lose sleep worrying about things we need to do, this exacerbates the problem.

The primary goal of this checklist is to reduce mental load wherever possible. However, there are limits to what can be done on this front. The remainder of the items are coping strategies to make the remaining mental load more bearable.

Trying to hold ideas, chores, etc. in your memory is stress-inducing. Have a way to quickly jot things down into an inbox that can be triaged later. If you like working on paper, keep a small notebook and writing implement at hand. Or use a reminder list on your phone or a voice assistant (Siri, Alexa, etc.) The sooner you can get the thing you’re trying to remember into a trusted system, the sooner you can relax.

Once you have your idea inbox set up, get in the habit of processing it regularly, at least once a day. Decide what to do with each thing you jotted down. Does it go on the grocery list? Your todo list? Does it go in a general notes app for later reference? A reading list? After you’ve put each item where it belongs, check it off in the app or notebook.

Paying bills can take up quite a bit of time and mental energy, but it doesn’t need to take any at all. These days, almost every bill, including rent or mortgage payments, can be automatically deducted from a checking account or charged to a credit card. Many companies even let you choose which day of the month the payment will go through.

There is, of course, a caveat. If your account balance is often dangerously low, there is a risk of overdrafting your account. If this is the case, you might be better off paying manually for now. If this is the case, however, it’s important to realize that financial stress is a separate issue from mental load and needs to be addressed separately.

Routine tasks - chores - are anything we have to do on a regular basis, whether it’s daily, weekly, or once a year.

Daily tasks tend to be easier to remember, or at least to incorporate into a checklist or routine. The more infrequently tasks happen, however, the more difficult they become to manage effectively.

The further apart routine tasks occur, the harder it is to remember not only to do them at all, but also how long it’s been since you last did it.

Computers, however, do not have this problem. A tool like gantry can keep track of all your routine tasks, automatically updating the next due date when you complete them. It’s also possible to do this on paper or with a spreadsheet, it just takes a bit more effort.

Systems take on all sorts of different forms. Really they’re anything that makes it easier for you and others to do the right thing without thinking about it.

Having designated spots for coats, shoes, and bags that everyone - children included - can reach is a system.

Having a checklist for packing up your bag (or your kids’ backpacks) is a system.

Having rules or expectations around daily routines is a system.

If you have a partner, it’s reasonable to expect them not only to do some of the work of maintaining a household, but also to carry some of the mental load. The way to do this is to divide up areas of responsibility, not individual tasks. If more than one person is thinking about/keeping track of a task, this is duplicated effort. The Fair Play cards can be helpful for this.

If you have children, it’s a good idea to give them some age-appropriate chores. For younger children, you will most likely have to continue carrying the mental load - i.e. reminding them, making sure it was done correctly, etc. - but it sets the foundation for more meaningful contributions and a positive attitude toward helping out. Older children may be able to carry some mental load.

Whether or not you have a partner or children, consider whether you have more money than time or more time than money. For most people this changes over time. Most people make less money early in their career. They may also have student loans or tuition payments. A single parent or two working parents may need to pay for daycare until their children go to school. Or one partner may stop working or work fewer hours in order to be a primary caregiver for a time. If you find yourself with more money than time, consider paying to delegate a bit of mental load. Many areas have laundry services that will pick up, wash, dry, fold, and deliver your clothes to your doorstep. Hire a housekeeper if it’s in your budget, even just once a month can make a difference. Or opt for a lawncare service, or have your groceries delivered.

One caveat of delegation is that someone else (whether it’s a partner, child, service, or someone else) most likely won’t do it the way you would. In order to actually offload the mental load, you have to accept this.

Things you do daily or every weekday work best for leveraging habits. If you can make them a part of a routine, it becomes easier to trust that things will be done every time without lots of mental effort.

Consider the things you already do consistently. Getting out of bed, brushing your teeth, making coffee or tea, preparing breakfast, etc. Now try adding something immediately before or immediately after. This is called habit stacking.

If you do things slightly differently every day, it’s hard to make sure that everything gets done consistently

Sometimes, for whatever reason, we hold on to tasks or chores that, when we pause to think about it, don’t really matter that much. Or we try to control things much more tightly than necessary. Or we just take on too much.

Is there something adding to your cognitive load that just doesn’t matter? What would happen if you just stopped doing it and stopped thinking about it?

A shortened version of that line from the standard airline safety briefing has become a mantra among parents. “Put your own oxygen mask on first.” But it should be a mantra for everyone.

You can’t help someone else put on an oxygen mask if you’re unconscious, and you can’t be your best self if you’re not taking care of your own physical and emotional needs.

Mindfulness doesn’t always have to look like breathing exercises or actively meditating (though these can help a lot!) It can be something as simple as noticing the way your morning coffee tastes, or how it feels to sit down for a few minutes in the midst of a busy morning.

It can be noticing physical sensations - colors, sounds, textures, smells.

It can be noticing your emotions. Are you actually feeling drained, or are you feeling frustrated by something specific? If you can do something about that thing, or if you can let it go, how does that feel?

Or taking one step back from your thoughts and feelings. Sometimes, just realizing that you exist as an entity that is distinct from the feelings you have, can help. Feelings come and go, but you remain. You experience feelings, but you are not the feelings and the feelings are not you.

Seeking help is not a sign of weakness. Everyone can benefit from therapy.

Once you’ve done everything you can to lighten the load, you’re ultimately stuck with what’s left. Every adult carries some level of mental load. If you’re practicing self care, mindfulness, and seeing a therapist, hopefully the load you’re left with feels more manageable.

Certain tasks will still require cognitive effort. As mentioned above, our brains protest vehemently when asked to work hard. If there’s an easier way, by all means do it. But if the only way is the hard way, it can help to remember that hard mental work doesn’t actually hurt us. Stress, however, does. Believing it will wear us out makes it so, and to the extent that it does wear us out, we recover way more quickly than we expect. To the extent possible, try not to pile on to the discomfort of mental exertion with frustration, anger and stress. Mindfulness can help with this. Sometimes a small reward to look forward to can help too, or breaking down an overwhelming task into smaller parts.

Many people have a "fixed mindset." They believe that abilities are inherent - you're either good at something or not. Mountains of research show this simply isn't true. We are able to get better at things through learning and practice. Having a "growth mindset" - believing you can improve - unlocks possibilities.

Thanks for reading.

Disclaimer: While we hope you find this article helpful, it is for general informational purposes only. It is not intended as medical, legal, financial, tax, psychological, or psychiatric advice. Always consult with a qualified professional familiar with your specific situation for individual advice.